


I'm some dude! I snuck in.

by whiiteTra2h



Category: Borderlands, Tales from the Borderlands - Fandom
Genre: Murder, bad metalocalypse reference, hyperion idiots getting drunk and taking stupid decisions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-06
Updated: 2016-01-06
Packaged: 2018-05-12 03:35:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,003
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5651062
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whiiteTra2h/pseuds/whiiteTra2h
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rhys gets drunk, and sneaks into Jack's office because of a dare. How bad can this be?</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'm some dude! I snuck in.

**Author's Note:**

> All of this is an excuse to use a Metalocalypse quote. The one in the title. Yes, there's literally no other reason behind that dumb fic. Now enjoy, or don't. I don't know.

Wow, that had been quite the adventure. All that… Avoiding guards, hacking doors and stuff, all this dangerous thingamabob! All of this for one goal, one stupid bet, but now that he was here, there was no going back, was there?

It was all so… Dumb. Getting drunk with Vaughn was one thing. Playing stupid dares was another. And then, trying to sneak into Handsome Jack’s office? That was a whole another thing. Sure, the big boss was out in Hyperion right now. Was that a good reason to do it? No. Was rhys about to turn down the dare? Hell no. He wasn’t a pussy, he was just a drunk, overly confident Hyperion company man. At least at this very moment.

And that is what leads us there. An awful lot of shenanigans, all leading to the passage way leading to Jack’s office. The real thing. God, his heart was thumping in his chest. Just a few careful steps, and he could see it, he could see the chair, in its golden, glittery glory. And in it, none other than… Shit fuck dammit, Jack was there!

Panic. Rhys’ brain froze, almost fucking literally. Though Jack didn’t seem to have noticed, so he could just… Take a step back… Then another, and…

“Fuck,” was the one crucial word that Rhys blurted out as he tripped and fell on his butt. He checked for damages, first thing first - all was good. Then, his head was tilted up, and… He ended nose to nose with a frowning Handsome Jack, bending over and staring down at him.

“And just who the fuck are you?”

Oh man, that was bad. That was the real guy, the big boss, the ruler of Hyperion and Pandora, the Hero, the- the real Jack! Never, in his wildest dream, had Rhys thought of meeting him. He had to make a good impression, impress him! He...

“I-I’m some dude! I snuck in.”

Shit. The booze, added to the adrenaline rush, were blurring his speech, and his ability to think as well. That was just - that was just so bad! Why did he say that! Meanwhile, Jack had straightened up, and had both hands set on each side of his hip, and god, he was so imposing like this, Rhys could have fainted if he wasn’t too busy being in awe.

“Listen up kiddo, you don’t just ‘sneak in’ my office. You trying to play witty there? I don’t like that. Then again, you got some guts! And I do like a guy with guts. What was your name again?”

“Rhys. The name’s Rhys, Jack, Sir.”

“Jack? Jack? Are we on first name basis there Rhys? Well, I am, because I’m your boss, and you don’t get a word in that. But do you honestly believe you are on first name basis with me?”

The cogs in the inside of Rhys’ mind seemed to block at the thought that “Handsome” could potentially be his boss’ last name. Would you believe that? Then again, the man had a reputation of messing with people.

“Sorry, Handsome Jack, Sir!”

“Muuuuuch better. Now, what the fuck are you doing in here.”

“I…”

Two possibilities came to Rhys’ mind. Either trying to bullshit Jack, tell him one big, damn lie, and see if he can make it out alive, or… Just be honest. Tell him this was all for a joke. That he wasn’t supposed to be there.

...All mighty ruler of Hyperion that he was, he probably had some sense of humor, right? At least, that’s what Rhys hoped when he went for the truth.

“You see, Handsome Jack, Sir, I was- I was with my friend, Vaughn, earlier, and we- shit Sir, we were fucking wasted alright? And he was like, ‘I bet you can’t sneak into Jack’s’- I mean! ‘Handsome Jack’s office’ and I was like, pfft, who, me? Of course I can! I can and I’ll prove it, you just- you just hold on! So I took my guts in both hands and noooow, here I am! Pretty crazy right? I know that was stupid, I’m so sorry, please don’t be too mad.”

There was an obvious smile playing at Jack’s lips as he listened to Rhys’ story, and he was shaking his head at the end of it, seemingly amused by this whole thing. He turned on his heel, gesturing with his hand for Rhys to follow him.

“That’s cute, Rhysie. Real cute. Being so… Adventurous! Really, I kinda admire you. You really have guts, you drunk bastard!”

He had reached his desk now, and was sitting in his golden chair, facing Rhys with that devious grin of his.

“But, you see… There’s one thing I don’t like. And that’s people prying into my stuff. So…”

Rhys stopped in his track, midway to Jack’s desk. He was having… A bad feeling, all of a sudden. And he had a right to. It was a matter of seconds before Jack had pulled out a gun from his desk, and was waving it in Rhys’ direction, his finger on the trigger.

“So, goodbye, kiddo. See you in another life.”

He pulled the trigger, and a bang was heard. At least, it had been quick. Rhys hadn’t felt a thing. A quick blow to the head, right in the middle of the forehead. He stood for a few seconds, then fell to the ground, blood starting to ooze from the bullet hole.

Pressing a button on his desk, Jack called up one of his guards.  
“Good job, idiot. You let some dude in. Now get in there and get rid of the body. I don’t know, cut off his head, send it to his friend. No I don’t remember the name, figure it out yourself!”

He barked the orders through the ECHOcom, then, with a sigh, lifted himself from his chair, and walked to Rhys’ body, nudging it with the tip of his shoe.

“Oh, I lied, by the way. I hate a lot of things.”


End file.
